Chris, there are some good elements to this essay, but it seems pretty unorganized. The overall effect is that it was written in a hurry, and not really edited or revised. It seems like a first draft. If you take the time to rewrite, you can catch a lot of errors, and you can make your essay flow better.
For example, in your interview you talk about your mom's reaction, then you suddenly shift to a quote from your dad. It's a little abrupt, and it makes your essay hard to follow.
We'll work on editing and revisions, and I think you'll see an improvement in your writing.
Chris, there are some good elements to this essay, but it seems pretty unorganized. The overall effect is that it was written in a hurry, and not really edited or revised. It seems like a first draft. If you take the time to rewrite, you can catch a lot of errors, and you can make your essay flow better.
ReplyDeleteFor example, in your interview you talk about your mom's reaction, then you suddenly shift to a quote from your dad. It's a little abrupt, and it makes your essay hard to follow.
We'll work on editing and revisions, and I think you'll see an improvement in your writing.
75/100